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Commentary:
"Life hack: Solving the awkward small talk dilemma one cozy day at a time 🏡 Just add pajamas and Netflix for maximum avoidance success! 💁‍♂️ #HomebodyWinning"

hack, house, leave, life, life hack, never, running, someone, talk, want, worry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

1

2 months ago

boyfriend, breakup, humor, relationship, stuff, throw, throwing, window, woman, women
Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

0

2 months ago

401k, cause, commitment, exercise, finance, hell, humor, i, joke, never, retirement, run, running, signed
At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, breaks, humor, i, life, nap, pee, sleep
If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

0

2 months ago

advice, eating, food, happiness, happy, humor, life, life advice, married, relationships, single
Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

0

2 months ago

hate, humor, i, imagine, irony, me, notice, oblivious, sarcasm
My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

0

2 months ago

balance, body, burning, burning question, day, human, human body, leisure, leisure time, question, rest, sufficiency, thought, time, weekend, work life, work-life balance

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on YouTube this month:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

83 shares on Slack this month:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Making waves on Discord:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Making waves on WeChat:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Seen just now on YouTube:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Spotted on Telegram:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Going viral on Twitch:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨