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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Just shared via YouTube:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Seen just now on X:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Seen just now on X:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Breaking via Instagram:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Going viral on WeChat:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Spotted on Messenger:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Falling for someone is like signing up for a comedy show where you're both the audience and the punchline! 🤡💘😂

actually, dating, humiliation, humor, just, liking, love, relationship, ritual, romance, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

0

2 months ago

always, except, feel, humor, i, insomnia, irony, laziness, sarcasm, sleep, sleepiness, sleepy, want
Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, appreciation, arrange, die, friend, funeral, humor, i, joke, message, phone, prank, text
I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

0

2 months ago

communication, else, empathy, everyone, feelings, humor, i, kinder, kindness, little, personality, sensitive, too
I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

0

5 months ago

am, communication, DM, DMs, humor, i, ignore, media, message, online, online communication, promise, rejection, social, social media, soulmate
That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

0

2 months ago

dangerously, food, food safety, friend, grasp, humor, loose, loose grasp, safety
When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

0

2 months ago

age, bartender, changes, counter, drinking, humor, i, know, life, life changes, me, name, pharmacist, recognition, walk, younger

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Trending via Twitch:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Making waves on Threads:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Live now on TikTok:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Just shared via Twitch:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨