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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Going viral on Slack:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Freshly posted on Slack:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Seen just now on X:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about male birth control humorously comparing it to wearing Crocs with socks.

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Commentary:
"When your footwear says 'I'm not a dad, but I play one on the weekends' 🤣🧦👞"

birth, control, Crocs, fashion, fashion joke, footwear, free, humor, humor joke, joke, male, male birth control, socks

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

57 shares on Slack this month:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

82 shares on Discord this month:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

66 shares on Facebook this month:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Making waves on TikTok:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Spotted on Threads:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

Breaking via Snapchat:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Breaking via WeChat:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to smart people with a refined sense of beauty.

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨