Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Making waves on TikTok:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Breaking via WeChat:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Going viral on WeChat:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Live now on Discord:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Freshly posted on X:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

Trending via Threads:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Just landed via Threads:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mondays require Jedi-level patience and a lightsaber for PowerPoint presentations! ⚔️😅

force, humor, meeting, meetings, Monday, motivation, star, Star Wars, wars, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

0

2 months ago

anything, doing, done, getting, humor, job, laziness, motivation, procrastination, productivity, today, work
It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

0

2 months ago

April, day, internet, only, people, read, sad, stuff
“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

0

2 months ago

banter, girl, humor, identity, insult, just, monster, playful, playful banter
Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

0

2 months ago

baby, every, family, hours, humor, humor quote, i, joke, love, newborn, parenting, whisper
Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

0

2 months ago

chaos, confusion, gathering, humor, jumping, me, mental, mind, struggle, thought, thoughts
I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

0

2 months ago

eye, eyes, heat, humor, i, ID, just, laser, laser eye, lazy, something, soup, superhero, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

27 shares on Slack this month:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Trending via Messenger:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Just shared via WeChat:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Just shared via Reddit:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Just landed via Telegram:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨