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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Just landed via X:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Going viral on Threads:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Making waves on Slack:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Making waves on Twitch:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Spotted on Facebook:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mondays require Jedi-level patience and a lightsaber for PowerPoint presentations! ⚔️😅

force, humor, meeting, meetings, Monday, motivation, star, Star Wars, wars, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

0

3 weeks ago

complain, cute, humor, i, irony, kid, kids, parent, spoil, spoiled
Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

0

2 months ago

code, dining, experience, humor, irony, live, menu, moment, phone, put, qr, QR code, restaurant, technology
I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, life, life stage, perspective, self-deprecation, stage, teenager
A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

0

2 months ago

again, bring, convenience, frustration, house, humor, i, leave, need, next, print, printer, service, tech, thing, where, working, year
Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

0

2 months ago

acoustic, acoustic guitar, comparison, donut, donuts, end, food, guitar, hole, humor, just, much, music, pretty, similarity, where
Be the reason someone burns sage.

0

2 months ago

good, good vibes, humor, mindfulness, positivity, reason, sage, self-care, someone, vibes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

15 shares on Discord this month:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

26 shares on Threads this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Just landed via Telegram:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Just landed via X:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Making waves on Discord:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Going viral on Facebook:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨