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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Breaking via Threads:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

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Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

41 shares on Messenger this month:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,502

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Going bananas on Telegram:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Making waves on X:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

Going bananas on Facebook:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

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