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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Just shared via TikTok:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Just landed via Twitch:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
When you realize your weekly podcast playlist is just your team's meeting schedule 🤔🎧📅

choose, communication, humor, i, just, meeting, meetings, podcast, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

0

2 months ago

advice, conversation, expert, humor, i, myself, need, self-talk, talk
What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

0

2 months ago

aliens, culture, fiction, fitting, hopes, humor, imagination, invasion, movy, parody, science, science fiction, watch
You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad cook, cook, cooking, culinary, culinary skills, disaster, dog, humor, kitchen, kitchen disaster, know, lick, pet, plate, skills
Men need women, women need men. The end.

0

2 months ago

end, humor, love, men, need, partnership, relationship, women
Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

0

5 months ago

ancestry, combination, face, family, generation, generations, heritage, literally, love, people, relationship, remember
My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

0

2 months ago

curse, friendship, fun, hang, hang out, humor, invitation, socializing, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Telegram this month:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

77 shares on X this month:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

81 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Trending via Snapchat:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Going viral on Instagram:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Spreading quickly via X:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Trending via Reddit:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Making waves on Twitch:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Live now on Snapchat:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨