Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,545

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Just shared via Messenger:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Going viral on Instagram:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Seen just now on X:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you realize your weekly podcast playlist is just your team's meeting schedule 🤔🎧📅

choose, communication, humor, i, just, meeting, meetings, podcast, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

0

1 month ago

beautiful, beautiful woman, confidence, ew, expression, humor, most, power, powerful, reaction, say, sometimes, thing, woman
When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

0

2 months ago

children, companionship, dog, family, happiness, happy, house, humor, love, parenting, pets, relationships, someone, teenager
We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

0

2 months ago

gratitude, humor, just, know, laugh, lie, mirror, reflection, self-image
They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

0

3 months ago

affection, bedtime, comfort, delivery, DoorDash, getting, goodnight, humor, invent, kiss, kiss goodnight, relationship, should, tuck, tuck in
I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

0

2 months ago

am, audience, comedy, confidence, happen, humor, i, joke, jokes, just, laugh, laughter, own, self-deprecating, self-love, Target
Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

0

2 months ago

activity, annoyance, Bluetooth, Bluetooth speaker, came, fun, fun activity, hear, hike, katy, Katy Perry, listen, music, nature, outdoor, outdoor activity, perry, speaker, stop, woods

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Twitch this month:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

64 shares on Threads this month:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Making waves on Discord:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Spotted on TikTok:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Making waves on Messenger:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Going viral on X:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Just shared via TikTok:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨