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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Jan 11, 2026

3,236

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Just landed via Telegram:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Trending via Telegram:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Just landed via Facebook:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Breaking via Telegram:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Going viral on Telegram:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

2 months ago

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the quest to find oneself… only to realize it's just a mirage 🧐! It's like searching for treasure only to find an empty chest 🏴‍☠️. Who knew self-discovery came with a 'check back later' sign? 🔄🔍 #WhereDidIGo #LostAndFoundInMyself"

amazement, discover, existentialism, found, humor, introspection, irony, nothing, nothingness, people, realization, self-discovery

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

2 months ago

50, 50s, after, age, age humor, aging, forget, forgetting, humor, i, joke, just, know, lapse, me, memory, memory lapse, middle, middle age, over, stuff
Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

2 months ago

40s, adulthood, age, excuse, friend, help, humor, joke, move, welcome
I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

2 months ago

activity, democracy, fun, fun activity, humor, kid, kids, money, movie, parenting, pizza, vote
If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

2 months ago

advice, back, early, enough, everyone, hours, humor, knows, secret, sleep, wake, wake up
“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

2 months ago

act, alcohol, buy, cigarettes, day, done, humor, i, kindness, random, random act, stranger, teens
Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

2 months ago

anti-stress, balls, breast, breasts, device, female, humor, irony, nature, stress

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

29 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Spotted on Threads:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Going viral on X:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

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