Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

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They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

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Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

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Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

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Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

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November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

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The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

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I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

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It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

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The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

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Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?