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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,533

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Making waves on Reddit:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Live now on Snapchat:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Seen just now on Instagram:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Just shared via X:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Shared recently on Threads:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Spotted on Discord:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Trending via WeChat:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I'm the real life cereal commercial! Next stop: breakfast aisle stardom! 🥣😂🎶"

aging, body, body noise, breakfast, cereal, crackle, humor, joke, louder, noise, playful, pop, snaps

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, fame, humor, people, ruin, ruined, TV
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

0

2 months ago

addiction, addiction humor, break, break time, breaks, cook, every, gambling, give, hour, humor, i, job, job break, jobs, minutes, only, parlay, should, smoking, time, why, work, work humor
I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

0

3 months ago

communication, conversation, humor, language, me, nonsense, people, sarcasm, say, sense, shit, start, telling
Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

0

4 months ago

alternate, alternate reality, another, comfortable, dimension, humor, reality, slip, slipping, something
Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

0

2 months ago

after, always, before, confusing, gross, gross pay, humor, i, money, number, pay, tax
I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, browser, browser plugin, drink, drinking, hashtag, humor, i, moderation, need, online, online shopping, plugin, prime, self-control, shopping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Breaking via Slack:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Going viral on Slack:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Making waves on TikTok:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Live now on Reddit:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Just shared via Reddit:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨