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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

My favorite color is money.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Trending via Facebook:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Going viral on Discord:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Trending via Telegram:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you can't get hired, at least you've got the license to think about it deeply! 🧠💼😅"

dad, degree, education, family, humor, joke, license, philosophy, sarcasm, unemployment

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedroom, boundary, call, clean, clean room, daddy, doing, funny response, humor, i, me, partner, partner teasing, playful, relationship, response, room, stop, teasing
Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

0

2 months ago

bot, communication, days, good, humor, memory, message, messaging, nostalgia, old, person, remember, technology, wonder
Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

0

2 months ago

appearance, beauty, comparison, eye, fail, fight, humor, i, joke, looking, makeup, McGregor, pull, smokey, smokey eye
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

0

2 months ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty
Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

0

2 months ago

allergy, breath, exercise, fitness, heart, humor, i, irony, once, racing, sweating
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, changing, day, du, food, french, humor, joke, jour, keep, language, restaurant, soup, soup du jour, translation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

54 shares on Threads this month:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

18 shares on X this month:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Live now on Threads:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Seen just now on Discord:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Just shared via Discord:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Just landed via Instagram:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨