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Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Making waves on Threads:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Just landed via Instagram:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Trending via Instagram:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Broadcasted on Twitch:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Seen just now on Facebook:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

11 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about frustration with a humorous take on anger management advice.

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Commentary:
Looks like I'm so good at anger management, I've managed to stay angry! 🤬😅

anger, anger management, class, doctor, frustration, humor, i, management, me, pissed, should, still, told, try

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Reddit this month:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

92 shares on X this month:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

22 shares on X this month:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

11 shares on Slack this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to smart people with a refined sense of beauty.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Trending via Slack:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Making waves on Discord:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Seen just now on Threads:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

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Activity Log ✨

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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