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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Threads:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Just shared via YouTube:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Just shared via Facebook:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Just shared via Reddit:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Spotted on TikTok:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Humorous quote about ice skating dominance and confidence on the ice.
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Commentary:
Gliding into first place in the Olympics of love! β„οΈβ›ΈοΈπŸ˜‚

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

38 shares on X this month:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

82 shares on X this month:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

β€œI thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

74 shares on X this month:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,657

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡· has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has shared:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has shared:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, β€œI’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Slack:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Seen just now on YouTube:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Spotted on Threads:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Just landed via Facebook:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Making waves on Telegram:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

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