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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Going bananas on X:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Going viral on Reddit:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
So true! It's like ordering a burger and fries, but having to pay extra for the bun and ketchup 😅🍔👀🦷

add-on, cost, eyeball, favorite, health, health insurance, insurance, insurance cost, sarcasm, teeth, tooth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

0

2 months ago

feelings, humor, i, lot, plan, planned, relationship, surprise
I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

0

2 months ago

abacus, funny skill, humor, i, know, music, skill, talent, tambourine, unusual, unusual talent
You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

0

3 months ago

dog, end, friendship, humor, know, love, loyalty, pet
Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, humor, i, irony, listening, me, myself, repeat, sarcasm
Are you a software update, because not now!

0

2 months ago

dating, humor, not now, procrastination, software, software update, technology, update
Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

0

2 months ago

experience, favorite, hearing, joy, music, putting, randomness, satisfaction, song, surprise, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

63 shares on X this month:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

36 shares on X this month:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

45 shares on Slack this month:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Freshly posted on X:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Just landed via Instagram:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Spotted on Facebook:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Live now on Pinterest:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Going viral on Twitch:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Going viral on Reddit:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Are you a software update, because not now!

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨