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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,273

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Live now on Telegram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Breaking via Reddit:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Making waves on Messenger:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Trending via X:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Just landed via Threads:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Going viral on Telegram:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

2 months ago

0

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your guardian angel is on an extended smoke break, probably practicing some next-level cloud-making skills ☁️🚬! Hopefully, they remember they've got a job to do and come back before you need a miracle or two! 🌟😇 #UnbreakableBondWithMyGuardianAngels

angel, break, divine, divine intervention, guardian, guardian angel, history, humor, intervention, irony, longest, procrastination, smoking, smoking break, taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

0

2 months ago

away, comparison, cords, day, humor, husband, i, keep, need, old, organization, preparedness, screenshot, storage
Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

0

2 months ago

beverage, branding, cute, exactly, girls, humor, inventor, inventors, lemonade, pink, pink lemonade, playful, same, yes
All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

0

2 months ago

accountability, billionaire, confiscated, five, humor, last, list, satire, society, things, wealth, week
Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

0

2 months ago

advice, home, homes, humor, leave, Monday, morning, need, outside, people, today, warning
Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

0

2 months ago

folks, folly, humor, otherwise, people, wisdom, wise
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

0

2 months ago

battery, beer, beverage, buzz, comparison, dry, dry humor, funny comparison, humor, joke, lack, lack of buzz, nicely, non-alcoholic, non-alcoholic beer, sarcastic, vibrator

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Threads this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

95 shares on X this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

96 shares on Slack this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,409

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Just landed via Telegram:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Trending via WeChat:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Making waves on YouTube:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Just shared via Slack:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Broadcasted on Threads:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Making waves on Twitch:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

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