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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Just shared via Pinterest:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Freshly posted on X:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Live now on YouTube:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

3 months ago

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Can't blame him, he's cleaning his suit of armor! 🧽🛡️😂

amusement, amusing, chores, cleaning, humor, husband, i, marriage, prince, princess, sing, singing, someday, song, while

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84 shares on X this month:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

24 shares on WeChat this month:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

59 shares on Threads this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Making waves on Discord:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Spotted on Instagram:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

Trending via Discord:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Shared recently on Threads:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Shared recently on WeChat:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

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Activity Log ✨

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

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My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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