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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

9 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Seen just now on Threads:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Just landed via Messenger:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Just landed via Twitch:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Live now on Threads:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Going viral on Twitch:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Just landed via WeChat:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Jan 23, 2025

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, talk about a combination of coming back with a bang, or should we say a snip! 😂 Looks like even kidnappers have a sense of remorse and a finger-counting lesson to go along with it. 🤭 Who knew that leaving early could also come with a severance package? 🤞🏼💸 #UnexpectedTurnOfEvents

apology, back, early, fingers, full, me, money

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

9 minutes ago

3,465

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Just shared via Telegram:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Just shared via WeChat:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Breaking via Facebook:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Live now on Facebook:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Reported on Telegram:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Making waves on Twitch:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

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