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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,592

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Trending via Reddit:

Guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn Wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn.

Broadcasted on X:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Seen just now on X:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Going bananas on Messenger:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Just shared via YouTube:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Just landed via WeChat:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

2 months ago

0

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Speed talking: because who needs survival instincts when you have wit? 😂👄💨"

faster, humor, instinct, mouth, moves, sarcasm, self-deprecating, survival, survival instinct

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

0

2 months ago

age, coat, detective, encounter, fashion, funny encounter, humor, i, looking, man, me, random, randomness, trench, trench coat
Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

0

2 months ago

enemy, faster, humor, me, observation, rivalry, same, sidewalk, sorry, speed, thinking, walking
Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, hydrated, hydration, just, kill, laugh, let, little, motivation, much, people, positivity, reminder, self-care, stay, vibe
Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

0

5 months ago

after, car, home, humor, men, minutes, question, stay, waiting, why
I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

0

6 months ago

addiction, humor, i, pattern, recognition
We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, acceptance, humor, inside, just, living, meat, mouth, normal, tentacle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Making waves on X:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Shared recently on X:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Making waves on YouTube:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Going viral on Threads:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

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