My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.