My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.