Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Looks like someone's profanity levels are reaching a market high! 🤑🤬 Time to invest in some self-censorship stocks before your swear jar becomes Wall Street's next big IPO sensation! 💰📈 #ProfanityProfits

finance, humor, investment, IPO, jar, joke, money, soon, swear, swear jar

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

6 days ago

activity, adult, adult life, ask, childhood, even, fast, friends, fun, fun activity, growing, growing up, life, new, new sh, nostalgia, run, running, sh, sucks
Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

2 weeks ago

chore, daughter, dishwasher, empty, family, humor, just, parenting, please, pray, prayer, tired, yesterday
People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

8 hours ago

ago, humor, joke, laughter, media, month, outdated, people, sharing, show, social, social media, stuff, trying, Twitter
Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

5 days ago

activity, band, concert, creativity, fun, fun activity, going, hand, humor, just, nervous, quirky, tomato
I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

2 days ago

communication, fandom, fluency, humor, i, love, people, reference, references, Spongebob
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

3 days ago

age, age joke, aging, earlier, early, humor, i, irony, joke, late, older, time

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Discord this month:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

82 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Just shared via Reddit:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Spotted on Discord:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Making waves on Discord:

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

Just shared via TikTok:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Shared recently on Threads:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Going viral on TikTok:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Trending via Telegram:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨