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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Going viral on Instagram:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Breaking via Instagram:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Shared recently on Threads:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Just landed via Telegram:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Trending via TikTok:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Making waves on Slack:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Trending via Discord:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

2 days ago

Humorous quote about house decor surprises and color schemes changing unexpectedly.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the towels are leading a revolution in your household! 🌈 Time to embrace the new colorful era and bid farewell to your old monochromatic days! 🎨 Who knew towels could hold so much power and influence? 😂🛁#TowelRevolution

change, color, color scheme, colors, different, house, humor, i, know, new, scheme, towels, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on X this month:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

96 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I love when the plot thickens.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Spotted on WeChat:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Trending via Pinterest:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Spotted on Telegram:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Trending via Facebook:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Just shared via Slack:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Just shared via Reddit:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

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