My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.