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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Trending via Threads:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Broadcasted on Slack:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about kitchen chaos and lost appetite, humorous and playful in tone.

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Commentary:
😂🍽️ "Guess I'm on an involuntary culinary treasure hunt now! Let the games begin! #LivingOnTakeout"

again, cabinets, eat, eating, food, household, humor, joke, kitchen, marriage, never, rearrange, rearranged, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Spotted on Twitch:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Going viral on Slack:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Just shared via Twitch:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Spotted on Messenger:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

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Activity Log ✨

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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