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Commentary:
"Priorities, people! 🍷 Why clean when you can have a thrilling grape adventure? The fridge can wait, but wine can't – it's getting old! 😂🍇 #WineOverResponsibilities"

adulting, clean, cleaning, drink, fridge, going, humor, need, procrastination, responsible, thing, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

1 month ago
care, family, humor, hygiene, kids, late, less, management, parenting, personal, personal hygiene, running, running late, somewhere, time, time management
I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

1 month ago
boss, calls, christ, delusional, head, humor, i, Jesus, Jesus Christ, keeps, me, misunderstanding, nickname, shaking, shaking head, think, workplace
If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

1 month ago
ago, birthday, gift, hiding, humor, i, months, present, relationship, surprise, where, wife
It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

2 months ago
appreciation, family, humor, i, insomnia, night, overthinking, relationships, staying, staying up
The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

1 month ago
chores, cleaning, ethic, home, home chores, humor, minute, procrastination, sit, sit down, thing, work, work ethic, worst
The new American dream is an alien invasion.

1 month ago
alien, American, American dream, commentary, dream, humor, invasion, life, modern, modern life, new, satire, societal, societal commentary

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Trending via Discord:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Going viral on Slack:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I put the mess in domestic.

Spotted on Twitch:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

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Activity Log ✨

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Meow means woof in cat.

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

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Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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