Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Freshly posted on X:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Spotted on Snapchat:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Breaking via Snapchat:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Live now on Messenger:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Spotted on Instagram:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Going viral on Discord:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Going bananas on Threads:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Never trust a clock with your juicy secrets – they're busy telling time, not keeping mum! ⏰🤫 #TickTockSnitch"

advice, clock, humor, never, pun, secret, share, tell, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

0

2 months ago

drunk, expectations, fairy, fairy tale, humor, life, lose, midnight, party, reality, shoe, tale
Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

0

2 months ago

activity, celebration, eve, fun, fun activity, going, humor, i, just, kissing, me, midnight, new, New Year’s Eve, outside, scream, think, year’s
If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, ignore, let, me, reiterate, repetition, sarcasm, second, sentence, start, time, too
You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

0

2 months ago

babe, conversation, date, expectations, humor, me, okay, promise, relationship
The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

0

2 months ago

best, buying, family, fight, gifts, holiday, humor, relatif, sarcasm, start, time
I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

0

2 months ago

challenge, compatibility, dating, event, family, family event, humor, marriage, marry, me, partner, person, relationship, social, social challenge, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Threads this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

92 shares on X this month:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

38 shares on Threads this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Trending via Reddit:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Shared recently on Threads:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Going bananas on Discord:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Spotted on Discord:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨