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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Making waves on Twitch:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Spotted on TikTok:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Just landed via Telegram:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Just shared via YouTube:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Been getting really into nothing.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

4 months ago

0

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your friend knows way too much about your collection of rare potato chips 🍟😆 #TrueFriendGoals

attention, friend, friendship, having, hyperfixation, interest, nobody, privilege, shows, support

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

0

2 months ago

back, behavior, call, cat, dog, humor, message, pet, pet behavior, procrastination, witty
You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

0

2 months ago

confusion, fear, figure, garage, get out, humor, i, me, navigation, parking, parking garage, scare, wit
I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

0

2 months ago

box, confusion, creativity, humor, i, inside, know, outside, perspective, think
I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

0

2 months ago

body, frustration, hate, health, humor, i, illness, last, sick, vegetable, week
My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

0

4 months ago

beach, behavior, food, fry, funny behavior, humor, husband, i, relationship, say, seagull, snack, stealing, stealing food, want
If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

0

2 months ago

airline, captain, class, first class, flight, humor, joke, travel, upgrade

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

64 shares on Threads this month:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

47 shares on X this month:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

32 shares on Discord this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Googling symptoms until you cry.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When did making sense stop making sense?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Breaking via X:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Live now on Instagram:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Just landed via Reddit:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Spotted on Slack:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Going bananas on Threads:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Going viral on Reddit:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

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