Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.