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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Just shared via YouTube:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Going bananas on Slack:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Trending via Discord:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Live now on Twitch:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Just shared via Messenger:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about passionate men, highlighting desire for high-energy romantic tension.

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Commentary:
When he triple-texts and then calls because I took 5 minutes to reply, that's true dedication! 😂📱💥

attack, communication, emotional, emotional intensity, i, intensity, man, me, men, mine, nonchalant, nonchalant man, panic, panic attack, relationship, talking, want

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

65 shares on X this month:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Spotted on TikTok:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Just landed via Twitch:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Live now on Twitch:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Going viral on X:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Seen just now on Messenger:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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