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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

44 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Just shared via Slack:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Just landed via Twitch:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Just shared via Messenger:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Trending via Facebook:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

6 months ago

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, that's some impressive bookworm skills you've got there! 📚🐛 Who needs fancy bookmarks when you've got a box of crayons to keep you entertained during those marathon reading sessions? 🖍️😂 Just remember: reading may be easy, but staying within the lines can be a whole different challenge! 😉🌈

accomplishment, book, brag, crayons, finished, going, humor, i, need, new, reading, sitting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

44 minutes ago

3,426

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

Making waves on Instagram:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Seen just now on Telegram:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Making waves on X:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Breaking via Facebook:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

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