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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Jan 6, 2026

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Going viral on Facebook:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Breaking via Slack:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Trending via Pinterest:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Trending via Telegram:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Spotted on TikTok:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Making waves on Slack:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

2 months ago

0

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, that's some impressive bookworm skills you've got there! 📚🐛 Who needs fancy bookmarks when you've got a box of crayons to keep you entertained during those marathon reading sessions? 🖍️😂 Just remember: reading may be easy, but staying within the lines can be a whole different challenge! 😉🌈

accomplishment, book, brag, crayons, finished, going, humor, i, need, new, reading, sitting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

0

2 months ago

aluminum, aluminum foil, bet, cooking, feels, foil, food, funny observation, good, humor, i, observation, oiling, potato, preparation, wrapping
We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

0

2 months ago

Barbie, culture, environmentalism, got, humor, irony, little, microplastic, microplastics, pop, pop culture, self-reflection, us
Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

0

2 months ago

assurance, disappointment, dream, expectation, here, humor, i, just, life, living, me, never, reality, right, sarcasm, shit, somebody, told
If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

0

3 months ago

barking, behavior, dog, gold, gold medal, humor, medal, nothing, Olympic, Olympic sport, pet, pet behavior, sport, win
So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

0

2 months ago

across, adult, adult behavior, baby, behavior, bottle, crawling, cute, floor, funny observation, humor, i, intervention, need, observation
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

0

4 months ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Slack this month:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

11 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

That looks like a problem for someone else.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution. It’s the year’s turn to be better.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Spotted on Facebook:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Just landed via Reddit:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Making waves on Reddit:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Just shared via WeChat:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Just shared via Facebook:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

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