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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Going bananas on Twitch:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Just landed via Threads:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Just landed via Twitch:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Trending via Threads:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Just shared via Twitch:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

2 months ago

0

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally found the ultimate life hack: just disappear from the grid like a WiFi signal in the basement 😂📵✨

deactivation, detox, digital, digital detox, fix, humor, Instagram, life, media, nothing, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

0

2 months ago

container, craving, cream, dessert, eating, food, ice, ice cream, still, stop, temptation
I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

0

2 months ago

confidence, humor, i, irony, need, praise, sarcasm, self-esteem, self-worth, someone, validation
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

0

2 months ago

add, cheese, cooking, ever, everyone, heart, humor, knows, let, measurement, much, need, recipe, tell
I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

0

2 months ago

costume, creativity, Halloween, humor, i, just, kite, prank, put, sexy, tampon
Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

0

2 months ago

account, actually, bank, bank account, financial, financial frustration, frustration, humor, i, money, okay, rude, sarcasm, spend, spending
Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, humor, irony, nostalgia, older, regret, sleep, young, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

54 shares on X this month:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,337

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Just landed via Telegram:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Trending via WhatsApp:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Spotted on YouTube:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

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