Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

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Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

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Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

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I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

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It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

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Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

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It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

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Work for a living? In this economy?

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I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

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Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

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There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.