Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.
  • At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.
  • At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.
  • I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.
  • He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.
  • Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.