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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

188 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,457

Funny Quotes Topics

17,522

Funny Quotes Images

15,457

Jan 4, 2026

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Seen just now on Messenger:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Live now on X:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Just shared via WeChat:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Just landed via Threads:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

2 months ago

0

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of stealthily dodging acquaintances in the produce aisle, perfecting the art of supermarket camouflage 🥦🕵️‍♂️ Who knew grocery shopping could turn into a modern-day game of hide and seek? #ProHideAndSeeker"

adult, adult life, anxiety, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, hiding, i, know, life, me, much, nothing, observation, people, prepared, social, social anxiety, spent, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

0

2 months ago

career, dating, humor, job, just, market, relationship, right, same, scene, stay, where
None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

0

2 months ago

book, books, bruh, calling, family, humor, kid, kids, language, none, parenting, say, slang, start
I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

0

2 months ago

adventure, all inclusive, desperation, escape, humor, ID, inclusive, jurassic, Jurassic Park, park, point, spend, theme, theme park, travel, vacation, week
My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

0

4 weeks ago

automatic, call, humor, just, messaging, sound, stomach, system, voice, voice messaging system
Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

0

2 months ago

finance, found, humor, mind, money, nowhere, struggle
When is this robot army coming to take my job?

0

2 months ago

army, automation, coming, future, humor, job, robot, take, technology, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

94 shares on X this month:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a very active anti-social life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

188 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,457

Funny Quotes Topics

17,522

Funny Quotes Images

15,457

Updated

Jan 4, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Just shared via Discord:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Making waves on X:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Spotted on TikTok:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Spotted on Instagram:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

Live now on X:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Just shared via Messenger:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

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