Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

63 shares on Discord this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

35 shares on Discord this month:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.