Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

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My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

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I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

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If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

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Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

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My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

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Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

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Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

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I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

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One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

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I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?