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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Going viral on Messenger:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Breaking via Facebook:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Breaking via TikTok:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Trending via Facebook:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

2 months ago

0

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sweet dreams, lovely humans! Just a friendly reminder that while you're bundling up for the colder nights, some eight-legged friends might be joining you for a cozy slumber party in search of warmth! 🕷️🕸️ Don't worry, they just want a snuggle buddy! 😂💤 #SweetDreamsWithSpiders

again, bed, cool, cooler, getting, hide, humor, nights, search, sleep, spider, warmth, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

0

2 months ago

anxiety, dumb, funny observation, humor, irony, observation, people, shy, social, social anxiety, why, wit
I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

0

2 months ago

confidence, decision, decisions, downfall, humor, humor quote, i, irony, life, life decision, praying, self-awareness, self-deprecating
People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

0

2 months ago

always, car, driver, home, humor, i, love, me, people, sit, talk, Uber, waiting, whenever, yell
The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

0

1 month ago

dollars, encounter, humor, left, life, money, unexpected, unexpected encounter, woman, women
Sailors wish they could swear like me.

0

2 months ago

humor, language, me, profanity, sailor, swear, wish, wit
I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

0

2 months ago

breathing, humor, nose, observation, person, shopping, unique, Walmart

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Reddit this month:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

82 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

25 shares on Slack this month:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Live now on Reddit:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Going viral on Telegram:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Trending via YouTube:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

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