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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Seen just now on Slack:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Spotted on Threads:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Just shared via Messenger:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

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Commentary:
"Well, that's the true holiday dilemma, isn't it? 🎄🥃 Decisions, decisions! Just remember, whichever way you go, it's all about spreading cheer! Cheers to a festive season! 🎅🥂"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

82 shares on Discord this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,462

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Just shared via Slack:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Going viral on YouTube:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Just shared via TikTok:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

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