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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Going viral on Facebook:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Live now on Instagram:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Trending via Threads:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Just shared via Telegram:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Going viral on Reddit:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Breaking via Messenger:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

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Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you had a lesson in 'sleepconomics'! 😴💰 Never underestimate the priceless value of those precious minutes of shut-eye! Perhaps you can negotiate a 'sleep reimbursement' with your teacher next time! 😉📚 #SleepDebt #TeacherTales

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

57 shares on X this month:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

12 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Seen just now on Instagram:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Live now on Instagram:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Going viral on YouTube:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Making waves on Reddit:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Just landed via TikTok:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Just landed via Twitch:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

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