Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
  • If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
  • Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.
  • The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.
  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
  • One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.