Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money? Posted onMay 29, 2026
There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it! Posted onMay 29, 2026
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes? Posted onMay 29, 2026
I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something? Posted onMay 29, 2026
White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat? Posted onMay 29, 2026
Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke. Posted onMay 29, 2026