Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes. Posted onMay 29, 2026
What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again. Posted onMay 29, 2026
We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war. Posted onMay 29, 2026
After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying. Posted onMay 29, 2026
It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there. Posted onMay 29, 2026