“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying. Posted onMay 29, 2026
You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be. Posted onMay 29, 2026
You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now. Posted onMay 29, 2026
We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this. Posted onMay 29, 2026May 29, 2026
Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money. Posted onMay 29, 2026
What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all? Posted onMay 29, 2026
There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year? Posted onMay 29, 2026
Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’. Posted onMay 29, 2026