Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

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She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

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No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

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Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

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When did making sense stop making sense?

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Life is weird and then you die.

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Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

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Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

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“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

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In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

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My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.