Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Petition to lower the retirement age. I'm tired now. 💤 Who needs to wait for the golden years when you've already hit bronze, right? 😂 Time to trade in the alarms for afternoon naps! 💼➡️😴 #RetirementDreams"

age, fun, humor, life, petition, retirement, tired, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, emotion, expression, humor, i, just, love, relationship, sarcasm, say, talking
Thaw me like one of your french fries!

0

2 months ago

cooking, food, french, french fry, fry, humor, joke, me, playfulness, pun, romance, thaw
Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

0

2 months ago

ask, humor, i, leisure, request, rest, vacation, weekend, work
Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

0

5 months ago

bedding, casual, casual speech, drunk, evening, going, humor, just, me, morning, pissed, speech, strip
I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

0

2 months ago

appearance, burger, Burger King, construction, fast, fast food, food, humor, just, king, McDonald’s, never, observation, seen, show, surprise, under
A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

0

2 months ago

communication, expression, humor, sigh, speak, woman, words

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Reddit this month:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

71 shares on Threads this month:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Breaking via WeChat:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Making waves on Threads:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Live now on Twitch:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Just landed via WeChat:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Shared recently on Slack:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Seen just now on YouTube:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Breaking via YouTube:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Trending via Slack:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨