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Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't discuss my dream job. I wouldn't want to make my unicorn and superhero coworkers jealous! 🦄💫 Who needs a dream job when you've got dreamy coworkers, am I right? 😆 #livingthedream"

ask, aspiration, dream, dream job, dreams, humor, i, irony, job, me, never, procrastination, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

0

2 months ago

age, bonk, Christmas, empty, fun, gift, head, holiday, humor, old, over, playful, someone, still, thing, tradition, tube, wrapping, wrapping tube
Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

0

2 months ago

bad, experience, house, humor, i, last, movie, Netflix, night, own, walk, walk out
I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

0

2 months ago

exercise, exercising, fitness, humor, i, laziness, love, much, not exercising, wish
Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

0

2 months ago

babe, distraction, enrichment, humor, nightly, phone, relationship, time
Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

0

2 months ago

context, ETA, humor, i, pass, patience, request, this too shall pass, time, too
If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

0

2 months ago

bit, cuisine, culinary, dining, food, humor, i, recommend, sarcasm, something, sophisticated, tired, try, want, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

15 shares on X this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

44 shares on Discord this month:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

12 shares on Slack this month:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

59 shares on Slack this month:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Breaking via Threads:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Live now on Slack:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Just landed via Reddit:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨