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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Just shared via X:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Going viral on Messenger:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Making waves on TikTok:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

Going viral on Reddit:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about relationships highlighting simplicity when not dealing with difficult partners.

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Commentary:
Love is easy when your partner isn't an unsolvable riddle 😜💞🧩

actually, communication, dating, easy, humor, insult, relationship, relationships, retard, simplicity

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58 shares on Threads this month:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

99 shares on Reddit this month:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

47 shares on Discord this month:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

53 shares on Discord this month:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

24 shares on TikTok this month:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Been getting really into nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Breaking via Twitch:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Trending via Snapchat:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Going viral on WeChat:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Live now on Reddit:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Breaking via Threads:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

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Activity Log ✨

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a retard.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨