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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Men used to go to war. Now they say, “Hey, Grok.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Spotted on TikTok:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Just landed via Messenger:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Going viral on Twitch:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Making waves on TikTok:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about nostalgic, silly social media moments involving mice and cheese.

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Commentary:
Throwback to the days when mice were the real influencers! 🐭🧀🎉

big, bite, cheese, mouse, party, piece, remember, rocking, tonight, tweet, Tweets

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85 shares on X this month:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

32 shares on X this month:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Trending via Slack:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Trending via Threads:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m running out of people I like.

Live now on Reddit:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

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Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

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Activity Log ✨

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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