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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Spotted on Messenger:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

Just shared via WeChat:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Freshly posted on X:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Trending via Slack:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Seen just now on Slack:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like the only race where a suitcase doubles as a personal trainer! 🏃‍♀️✈️💼

airport, boarding, boarding gate, favorite, fitness, fitness joke, gate, humor, joke, running, travel, travel humor, workout

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32 shares on Messenger this month:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

88 shares on Slack this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

47 shares on Messenger this month:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Trending via Pinterest:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Making waves on Instagram:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨