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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Live now on Telegram:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Just landed via Telegram:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote emphasizing butter with a humorous twist on salt.

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Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, throw them away and grab some salted butter instead! 🧈😄

butter, cooking, emphasis, enough, food, food preference, humor, i, preference, salted, salted butter, seasoning, stress

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86 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

50 shares on Reddit this month:

51 shares on X this month:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Freshly posted on X:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Live now on Messenger:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Just landed via WeChat:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

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Activity Log ✨

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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