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Commentary:
"Ah, the shooting star, nature's celestial do not disturb sign! 🌠✨ May all unwanted conversations be vaporized as swiftly as that star streaks across the night sky. Let the peace and quiet begin! 🤫🚀"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

1 month ago
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I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

4 months ago
craft, gift, hat, humor, i, joke, knit, knitting, know, tinfoil, tinfoil hat
They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

1 month ago
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I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

1 month ago
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I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

1 month ago
flying, humor, i, irony, people, plane, safely, sarcasm, say, travel
My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

4 months ago
alone, awkward, awkward situation, college, ex, gf, girlfriend, humor, i, just, lot, means, reason, relationship, situation, story, talk, where

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Live now on Facebook:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Live now on Messenger:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

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Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

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Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

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