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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2448 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,610

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,610

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Trending via X:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Reported on Reddit:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Just shared via TikTok:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Spotted on Instagram:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Making waves on Discord:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Trending via Slack:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Paying the bills so my dog can live like royalty. Who's the real boss here? 😂🐾👑"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2448 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,610

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,610

Updated

48 minutes ago

Users Online

3,453

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Going viral on Twitch:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Trending via Pinterest:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Going viral on Telegram:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

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