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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Making waves on Reddit:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Going viral on Reddit:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Spotted on X:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Just shared via TikTok:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Seen just now on Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Just shared via Discord:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Just shared via X:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

0
Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the age-old question that has perplexed humanity since the dinosaurs were trying to figure out where to put their tiny arms on formal occasions! 🦖🧐 It seems the universe enjoys keeping us on our toes, leaving us all scratching our heads and pondering the ultimate conundrum: "What in the cosmic chaos is really going on here?" 🌌🤯

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

33 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

40 shares on X this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Salt is just angry sugar.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Just shared via WeChat:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Just landed via TikTok:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Making waves on TikTok:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Just landed via Instagram:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Shared recently on Messenger:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

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