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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Shared recently on Discord:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Just landed via Reddit:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Making waves on Discord:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your Uber ride gives you more jet-setting vibes than a regular cab ride, but without the complimentary peanuts ✈️😂🚗

cost, flight, JetBlue, Miami, NYC, price, ride, ride share, rides, same, share, transportation, travel, travel cost, Uber

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

2 months ago

back, cancellation, humor, just, Monday, new, news, relaxation, sleep, turn, wake, wake up, wish
Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

2 months ago

bird, flu, health, humor, illness, joke, sarcasm
It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

2 months ago

aspirations, computer, cute, emails, grow, grow up, humor, kids, say, want
You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

2 months ago

commentary, good, good night, humor, issues, modern, modern issues, night, sleep, societal, societal commentary, woke
My middle finger salutes you.

2 months ago

attitude, finger, gesture, humor, insult, middle, middle finger, rude, rude gesture, salute, sarcasm
Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

4 months ago

adulthood, adulting, chore, humor, life, neverending, responsibility, shit, story

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Twitch this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

45 shares on Slack this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

92 shares on Threads this month:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Shared recently on Discord:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Just shared via YouTube:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Live now on Telegram:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Spotted on Facebook:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Freshly posted on X:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

My middle finger salutes you.

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨