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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,234

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Trending via Instagram:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Going bananas on Threads:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Just shared via Threads:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Shared recently on X:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

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Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.
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Commentary:
"Caught in a love triangle between my recliner and loveseat… Who said being lazy wasn't complicated? 😂🪑❤️ #LazinessOverload"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

15 shares on Threads this month:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Just landed via Telegram:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Just landed via Telegram:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Trending via WeChat:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Going viral on Threads:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

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